


Alone

by CrookedCat



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 09:39:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9378809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrookedCat/pseuds/CrookedCat
Summary: Her big brother is dead and Lisa have to alone manage his funeral. But just as their life in general it turns into a mess.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know enough about the Snart family so I just had to make something up, but I don't think they're really mentioned in the comic's either.
> 
> I'm not satisfied with the ending of the first chapter but oh well.
> 
> Lisa didn't had the wake before the funeral since there was no body, and also the ceremony is pretty typical for a Swedish one since I was too lazy to read up on how they do it in the states. That's also why it's a christian ceremony, I don't know if/or what religion the Snart's belong to.
> 
> English is not my first language.

Lisa was looking in the mirror for maybe the hundredth time that day. Combing through her hair with her fingers, more and more strands fell down and she picked one by one off her black suit. She wanted it to look right and perfect but as soon as she moved a muscle her façade was destroyed. Soon she couldn’t stall this bathroom break any longer, soon she had to get out there and greet the guests. If there were even going to be any. Her brother had not been the one to let people get close to him, and since she’d tried to not let the public know of Captain Cold’s death, she wasn’t really expecting anybody to show up. She had been thinking of contacting Cisco but something was holding her back. Something was always holding her back, like she was holding back her tears now. She felt like she was made out of glass, that she could crack and break at any moment.

Lisa straightened up and cleared her throat and got out of the bathroom. She heard people preparing inside the church and an older woman was hanging up her outer clothes in the hall. Most of Lisa’s and Lenny’s family had disown her and her brother but her aunt on her mother’s side had showed up.  
“Lisa” said the old lady in an ill-fitting dress and gave Lisa a stiff hug, such showing of affection was usually not in their repertoire.  
“Hello aunt Rose, glad you could make it” Lisa said in a voice that sounded so fake she felt sick.  
“Of course, dear” Rose said and Lisa realized that she wasn’t sure that her aunt knew it was Lenny that had killed their father. If she knew that maybe she wouldn’t had showed up. Or maybe she’d just forgotten since the pill cocktail she had to take every day usually made her quite disoriented. The older woman wobbled into the building as Lisa was looking at the clothes hangers, trying to see if any more people had decided to show up.

“It seems like it will be a small service” The priest was suddenly behind her. Lisa looked in disbelief at him, she had gotten the vibe that none of the priests at the church had really wanted to hold this service. But some of them had had to do it and it was this man, who looked way older than he was, that had drew the shortest straw.  
“I know” she said in the coldest way she could manage and the priest looked a bit distressed and scratched his head.  
“Whenever you’re ready” he said as he turned back into the chapel. Lisa looked through the big arched doors and at the pouring rain outside. She wanted to be literally anywhere else on the planet right now but here. 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Mick had actually showed up. Already drunk with the bottle still in his hand, sitting in one of the rows in the back. Lisa wanted to hit and scream at him as she walked past him but she couldn’t. She felt like it would start the first cracks in her surface that would start a chain reaction she wasn’t going to be able to stop, so instead she turned her head down and sat down on the bench to the right. She was alone in the front row. She picked up the program and turned it over and over in her hands, refusing to look at the coffin in the middle in the chapel and just waiting for the music to stop playing. It wasn’t just the drinking that had enraged her. When Mick had told her about her brother he had told her perhaps too much. He had been drunk then too, babbling about the time travelling and Lennys’ sacrifice. She’d felt like her whole world had been swiped away from under her feet and wasn’t really fit to talk, so now she got all these questions unanswered. All that blame she didn’t know where to put. And she was angry with Lenny, that he’d lived this parallel life she knew nothing about. That apparently he had saved a future version of her that had been kidnapped. Why couldn’t he just had told her what he was up to?

The organ had stopped playing and Lisa looked around. She recognized an old school student of Lenny’s, a man she knew was a sensational journalist. Breathing in a square was something she’d always mocked other people for doing but now she found herself trying that method to calm down. Her and her brother’s life had been a mess, of course his funeral was going to be that way too.  
“Leonard Lewis Snart-” the priest began and Lisa closed her eyes. She had specifically asked them to not include her brother’s second name since it was after their father, a man he had hated so much he had killed. She could feel the veins pump in her temple.  
“… was a man who made lots of mistakes in his life. But he also showed great courage and loyalty, for example taking care of his little sister most of her life”

Lisa had to keep it vague, apparently nobody got to know about her brother’s unselfish sacrifice. She wondered if he’d thought of her during those last seconds… She was trembling, the flower stems in her hand getting soft and bent by her sweaty palms but she refused to let the tears flow. This was not a secure place for her. Why did she even have an open funeral? She should’ve just been by herself it would’ve been much easier and over in a few minutes. But deep inside she guessed that she’d hope more people would’ve shown up. Showing that the siblings actually had had some people who cared about them. 

The ceremony was mostly just a blur to Lisa but suddenly it was the time for a personal final farewell. Lisa stood up and mechanical walked over to the empty coffin while it felt like someone was screaming in her ears. But it was just her blood pumping. She took her flowers, white lilies, and put them on the lid. They looked sad and limp.  
“I guess this is it” she whispered and sniffled hard but swallowed the lump in the throat again. She knew she was probably expected to stand still and silently pray or something but she couldn’t stand it and hurried to her bench again. Then it was her aunt’s turn and she had to lean on the casket to not fall over.  
“Leonard” she said in a shaky voice and took a deep breath. “You didn’t have an easy life and you made lots of mistakes. But you didn’t deserve this. But at least now you get to reunite with your family” Lisa almost started to cry, she was so angry. Didn’t anybody understand anything? Didn’t anybody care about what hell they’d gone through as a family? She didn’t look her aunt in the eyes as she passed beside her. 

Then it was the old classmate/journalist turn and he stood a bit hunching at the back of the coffin before heading back. But when he walked past Lisa she suddenly reached out and grabbed his arm. She maintained eye contact as she reached into his pocket and got out his phone. The camera app was still open. He had turned pale as a ghost when she finally let go and he returned to his seat on shaky legs. When it was Mick’s turn he slowly got up from his seat and stood in the middle of the aisle. He just stared at the coffin for a bit before turning around and walking out of the church.

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The ceremony was finally over and after Lisa had greeted the guests’ and priest goodbye outside (nobody was staying for the wake that was going to be held after the ceremony) she felt so sick she barely managed to rush behind the corner of the church to throw up. She felt weak and almost couldn’t stand up when she heard someone approach her from behind.  
“Lisa?” It was a voice Lisa didn’t recognize, belonging to a blonde woman she’d never seen before. She was standing in the rain in a black trench coat underneath a black umbrella.  
“Yes?” Lisa didn’t bother to not sound irritated.  
“We’ve never met. I’m Sara, I worked with your brother” She stepped forward and seemed unsure to offer her hand. Lisa understood she was one of them, one from Mick’s and Lenny’s time travel team.  
“I’m so sorry for your loss” She was pretty, totally Lenny’s type. Lisa wondered if they’d hook up and then how wrong that thought was in every way.  
“He was very precious to us…” Sara continued but the words seemed to fail her. And Lisa’s glass wall cracked.  
“If he was so precious why couldn’t you just go back in time to save him?” She saw how Sara’s face turned gray but Lisa didn’t stay to listen to her excuses. Her heels slipped on the wet grass as she ran between the grave stones. She just wanted to run away from everything, from the pain, the questions, the future. She finally crashed into a tree at the edge of the graveyard and there she finally sat down, gliding down the tree trunk. 

The tears felt warmer on her cheeks than the rain did. It was hard to breathe and she clutched the grass as she let it all out. She was all alone one now. Her whole family was gone. No one would come and comfort her. No one would hold her, telling she everything would be ok. She was alone in the whole wide world. She wanted to scream but she just couldn’t get enough air. So then she sat there, leaning again the tree and seeing from afar how they lowered her brother’s casket into the grave. They did it in a rush and even slipped so Lisa could hear the coffin crash into the water-filled hole. But what did it matter since it was empty anyway.

When she stood up to walk away her feet slipped around in her wet shoes. She looked down her legs which were covered in dirt and grass.  
“At least this is as low as you can sink” she thought to herself. The looked up into the sky, knowing her brother wasn’t here.


End file.
